31 December 2017

2017 Recap & New Year's Resolutions

2017 Recap & New Year's Resolutions 

Today is New Year's Eve. I have my cinnamon oatmeal and coffee. Sometime this afternoon, I will get dressed to celebrate the year's end and the year to come. Just like last year, I sat down reminiscing about this year and feeling hopeful about the next.

I have high hopes for 2017.

1. Let go of fears and just go.
2. Go on more adventures.
3. Be patient.
4. Continue to be kind.
5. Give a compliment a day.
6. Make every day as poetic as the last.
7. Write out the words I hadn't the chance to speak out loud after each day.
8. Meet new, wonderful people.
9. Dance until everything is better than ever,
10. Be the best version of me I could possibly be and continue to grow.

I managed to do most of what is on the list on and off and on again. My favorite was the first. Especially because the last quarter of the year left me saying goodbye to my therapist. It was both scary and thrilling. I’ve been enjoying life as a bibliophile and an English major. Though the work load may have brought on near meltdowns. My confidence is at a surplus. I have better clothes to show off my new-found confidence. Plus, I’ve had better coffee this year. COFFEE IS IMPORTANT.

2017 was a very personal year for me. That sounds insane. I know. Besides, the insane and childish politics, I did my best to keep a promise to myself that I made on New Year’s Eve in 2016.

2017 was a momentous year of growth and learning. It was fun. It was challenging. There were some adventures and there were many firsts. 2017 taught me that I am stronger than I think. This past year brought new friendships and opened many doors. Just like any year, this year had its difficulties, but there were many more ups. 2017 was a wonderful year for me. I’m looking forward to 2018. Cheers!



06 December 2017

Closing the book and starting afresh.

Closing the book and starting afresh.

The past couple of years have been a roller coaster. In the beginning, days were nearly impossible to get through. Anxiety was kicking my butt. I felt the need to cry all the time and I was depressed. I began to see a therapist to seek help before my depression consumed me completely. My life changed for the better.

For weeks, I've been going back and forth with my therapist. Everything is good in my world. She says, “Darianne, you don’t need me anymore.” She is right. For the longest time, I was seeing her biweekly and sometimes not at all. I realized I’ve been standing on my own for a really long time. All I needed to do was take the training wheels off. It’s a little scary to think about walking away from my sessions, but it’s what I need to do. Also, she was about ready to give me the boot (I’m only kidding. Sort of).

It's a bittersweet moment for me. I had my last therapy session last Friday. I'm so grateful to my therapist (now former) and this journey I'm on. 

Just like my new journal (my old one is half finished, but no longer needed or wanted), I'm starting afresh. I'm considering the old book I called "My Life" a terribly written prequel. This is where my story begins. I'm calling it "The Moment She Started Living". 

And I thank you. Yes, you who took the time to read this post. I've only gotten started and blogging is going to play a bigger roll in my book. I hope you stick around. Cheers to you!

And cheers to a new beginning!



22 November 2017

A bunch of things I'm thankful for.

A bunch of things I'm thankful for.

Every thanksgiving (well, everyday really), I think about everything I'm thankful for. I've been blessed. I've struggled most of my life and this is the first holiday season, I am free of it all. Yay, right? It's an amazing feeling. TO be happy in life and to be happy to be here living. Wow! This holiday season is already one for the books!

Speaking of holidays, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I'm excited to be having my first vegan Thanksgiving. While I've been following a vegetarian diet, part of my family has completely gone vegan. It's very exciting. Not to mention, I am in full Christmas mode already. 

So, in no particular order, here are a bunch of things I am thankful for:
  1. Blogging
  2. Family & Friends
  3. Coffee
  4. A job I actually enjoy.
  5. Beating depression
  6. Getting a handle on my anxiety without meds
  7. PIZZA
  8. My Kindle and collection of books
  9. Every song that has ever touched my heart
  10. Past and present experiences
  11. Autumnal and holiday scented candles 
  12. Chocolate covered pretzels
  13. The "ber" months
  14. Gelato
  15. Hot Apple Cider
  16. New York City and its aesthetics
  17. My journey to peace and happiness (I really am happy and I do have peaceful and blissful moments)
  18. Sweetgreen's Apple, Pear, + Cheddar salad
  19. Love and positivity around
  20. Concerts (because Ed Sheeran live is the greatest thing to ever happen thus far)
  21. All of you
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrates! It's a day full of laughter, cheer, love, kindness, and bonding. May this Thanksgiving be as memorable as the last and new memories come from it. Happy-start-of-holiday-season to you!


P.S. What are you thankful for?

22 October 2017

Be a flaneur.

Be a flaneur.

Above, the skies blue while the clouds gray. The rooves below are strong and meet in the corners inspired by the Victorian Gothic era. Banners wave loudly, but not before the leaves, which wilt away as the seasons change. Not before the grass and the flowers which are waiting to be reborn next spring. Then there are bodies of enigmas. Insignificant, yet so important. Bundles of warmth cling to the flesh of these enigmas rushing to shelter. To warmth. To knowledge. To their future. Whatever that may be.

Flaneur: passionate wanderer

Occasionally, we get bored of the things we see daily. Every so often, we become immune to everything around us. I’m from New York City. I can attest to that. We can’t be bother, at times, to venture into the city. As a native, there are certain places and things that I can’t be bothered with. Don’t let your nonchalant attitude about your location blur your lens. 

On Wednesday, my Women’s Lit professor gave us an assignment to be flaneurs. She wanted us to explore and write about it. The excerpt above is a result of that assignment. Lately, I haven’t been out anywhere and I haven’t done anything remotely fun. I know I said I would. This assignment gave me a real push.

I enjoy finding new things to be gaga for. Victorian Gothic architecture is one of those things. The moment I walked into this out of place area, I couldn’t believe what I saw. People who live in the neighborhood shrug it off. To me, it was this neo-gothic, Babylonian place that floated in the sky. If a person looks up from down below, the neo-gothic architecture looks like a floating, medieval cathedral. I finally found what captured my interest all those years ago. I fell in love with it and decided it's a place I want to be. 

Anyways, we don’t all live in a place like NYC nor do we all have to. Finding magic where you are is up to you. Be a flaneur wherever you are. You will find something. It doesn’t matter if you live in the same place you were born and raised. Even if it’s hard to find, there is something. 

Let the flowers blossom around what you see. Let the faeries and unicorns walk about. Mother Earth is a beautiful woman. She is the that woman. What do you see?  When you’re done, try to see it from someone else’s perspective. 

The lens you see through may solely yours, but there's always a new way to see things. 

Have fun, flaneurs. Enjoy whatever magic you find. 



12 October 2017

Falling out of love with social media.

Falling out of love with Social Media.

In the beginning, social media was so addicting. I would be excited to tweet. I couldn’t wait to share a new photo on Instagram. Facebook was a telenovela I couldn’t wait to log in to. Tumblr allowed me to express myself without having to do the most work. Social media has its faults. There's no doubting that. A lot of time has passed since I began using social media. Many things have changed too.

Social media was another small space where I got to share a bit of my personality. Then I decided to blog. As a blogger, everything changed. Social media became a platform where I summed up everything into a photo. Social media must speak for my personality and my brand. That is something I find hard to do because material things do not define a person. I do the best I can, but it all gets a bit tiring. It's sort of like running to stand still. If you catch my drift.

For a while now, I’ve found myself straying from social media. There are times where I set a reminder for myself to post on Instagram. There used to be a new photo up at the same time every day. There are OOTD's from my favorite bloggers on Instagram that I do look forward to, but that's about it. I forget to tweet about the newest post on this blog. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to do so. I really use twitter to keep up with my favorite musician and I've strayed from that too. I deactivated my personal Facebook months ago. Telenovela’s get old quickly. Trust me. Tumblr is safe. I’m very busy, but I still enjoy my time on the site. I really want to blame adulting for my lack of interest with social media. I’ve tried to play the blame game. Then I remember this has been going on for a long time.

I thought I was simply growing bored with everything. I thought, maybe you’re getting too old. What the hell does that mean? I’m only twenty-three. It turns out I am not the only one. Other people are in the midst of a dry spell. Social media, in ways, has become uninspiring and uninteresting. It’s all one cliché after another. With that being said, I like to remind myself separate blogging from social media. Blogging is still a passion and I still enjoy it. I don’t feel forced or bored with it. It’s my little space on the Internet. Falling out of love with social media might be temporary. Who knows. I sure hope so. 

After taking my time and thinking long and hard, I decided to go back to the way things used to be. Spending time outside and exploring is something I’ve always enjoyed. I am not going to spend too much time on social media. Instead, I’m going to go out and inspire myself and find the things that inspire me most again. Of course, I will share along the way, but I need to find my footing again. I should remind myself what it was like in the beginning. Don't get me wrong. Interacting with everyone is so much fun. It's the other aspects of social media that I seem to no longer be fond of. Hopefully I can write about how I fell back in love with social media.

If you’re feeling this way, don’t fret. Take the time you need away. Social media will be there when you return. It isn’t going anywhere. Sometimes we need to remember to be present. Our lives shouldn't revolve around an app or a cellular device. I hope you feel inspired again and the time you decide to take away helps you with whatever it is you need.


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