06 February 2019

SELFIE CHALLENGE: ELLA CREE EN SÍ MISMA


During the peak of a golden hour, the sun's warmth burned through me. I didn't resist it. I didn't want to. At that moment silence could be heard all around. No one was around to make a sound. It was with my thoughts whom I sat with. It's the ideas of self-love and acceptance that ran through my mind. My thoughts and I danced together around a bonfire to celebrate how far I've come. Self-love? Acceptance? They are the two hardest obstacles I've faced in life. The three of us have become the best of friends. Wonderful, right?
Créeme un poco más. 
There was a time where I couldn't believe a word I said. I was hanging out with the people my mom warned me about. Their names are self-doubt and self-hatred. They weren't good for me, but they were always around and I couldn't seem to shake them. Time and time again I would tell myself that I am better than I think. I am more than I think, but never seem to believe a word I say. I have tried different methods. I tried a compliment a day which made me feel uncomfortable. Then there was rooting for myself which I did every day before getting out of bed. I rolled my eyes every time. Even when I didn't believe myself, I still had a small glimmer of hope that allowed me to believe in myself.    It was small, but it was there. That's when I tried a selfie a day which made me feel like I was trying to traumatize myself. This sounds very dramatic and at times it was, but that's what the road to self-love is: a dramatic rollercoaster.


SELFIE CHALLENGE

The Selfie challenge is about feeling empowered by natural beauty. I never felt pretty growing up. It was a never-ending battle of self-loathing. I didn't feel an ounce of confidence at all. My teens were masked by terrible clothing because I didn't have the confidence to dress like it was NYFW every day. This challenge was meant to capture the things I loved and hated about me. This would allow me to assess why I didn't like those things which would ultimately lead to me accepting those flaws and learning to love them. This was part of my TLC or self-love journey. The second half would be to share the selfies which I had hope would leave me feeling careless and free about what others would say and how I felt about myself.

When I first started this challenge, I'd take selfies and instantly delete them. I'd never take a selfie in public. It was like this massive secret I was trying to keep. There were moments where I'd actually look at the photo and it was hard to find something I liked. It's strange to look back and think that this was actually me, but it was. I kept on taking selfies. I kept giving myself these pep talks. I slowly began to notice little things about myself. It started with my small, almond-shaped, chocolate eyes Although I'm working on it, I didn't mind my acne scarred face. I began to like my lips and my smile. Soon this newfound self-love and confidence worked its way from my head down to the rest of my body. I'm madly in love with my legs. I don't know why. I don't have a leg fetish. I just love my legs. I also love my torso area and my small boobs.

All of this stemmed from a selfie a day, pep talks, and patience. I never stopped taking a selfie a day, complimenting myself or rooting for myself. I never stopped giving myself pep talks. A little hope goes a long way. The point wasn't to just become okay with who I am and what I look like. The point was to love me unconditionally. Of course, there are things that I may not like about me just yet. That's okay. I no longer radiate my insecurities. Instead, I radiate confidence and it shows. People stare at me at times with faces that say "what's up with her".

I'm happy where I am now and so are my thoughts. We celebrate together. It took a long time to get here and there is still a long road ahead, but I make progress daily. I feel pretty most day. I feel confident. I know that I am more than enough. People can't bring me down. Life doesn't really get me down. My confidence has become a shield. Nothing gets to me and every day begins wonderfully because of it. My confidence shines through my personal style too. A year ago, no one would have thought that I'd wear what I'm wearing now (fashion posts are coming). Some of these feelings are alien to me, but they are welcome any time.

What are some things you have done on your road to self-love?

P.S. I'm not sure why I close my eyes when taking selfies, but they're cute. Oh well. 
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